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The Toxic Cycle.
Jan. 12th, 2012 10:42 pmPart 1:
This poem, however shocking, is nothing if not universally relevant. Although the large majority of parents embark on the journey of child rearing with the best of intentions damaging our children, to some extent,can not be helped.
I believe that this poem is one of the best examples of “great literature” I have ever read because the concept and sentiment is one I believe that every human can relate to in one sense or another. Larkin is most definitely dealing with a universal theme because every newborn baby, regardless of gender or culture, is as pure as the sun is bright. As babies grow in to children the experiences and environments they are exposed to shape the type of person they will become (negative or positive.) The lessons learned in infancy, childhood and our early teen years have a drastic effect on how our brain develops and therefore effects how we react to and handle events in our lives.
When I was growing up in a combative household my mother would deal with conflict by loading us in the car and leaving, we would stay out until the situation had defused, then we would go home and it would not be discussed. I know my mother did what she did with the best of intentions and truly believing that this was the most effective way to protect us. However I feel that what I learnt from this was to avoid conflict at all cost, and as a result now in my adult life I still find it very difficult to work through disagreements or resolve arguments. From this perspective my mother fucked me up by trying to protect me too much. On the other hand who knows what type of far more damaging lessons I could have learned if we had stayed. Parenting is a constant gamble.
As parents we always want to believe we know what is best for our child, so we choose for them and in doing so teach them that their opinion does not matter. Our busy lives require us to constantly hurry our children up and in doing so we show them that their time is not as important as ours. We get babysitters so we can go out and have “Fun” and in doing so show our children that their company is not enjoyable. Even though we tell them on a daily basis how much we love them, that we are listening, and that we are so happy to see them, it is our actions that have the greatest impact, whether the actions are directed at the child or just one displayed in their presence. Larkin touches on this when he says “Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another's throats.” Whether parents are dealing with children directly, dealing with each other in the presence of the child or simply dealing with life the impressions left are just as strong.
I enjoyed the way that Larkin expressed his opinion in a frank but not overly explicit way as well as how he brought some humour in to the end of the poem. I think he was serious in his message that all parents damage their children, who then in turn damage their own, however I do not think he was serious when he said “Get out as early as you can, And don't have any kids yourself.”
Part 2:
The story of “Evaline” expands on the theme of Larkin's poem by providing a more explicit example of how a child can be damaged by the influence of their parents, culture, and community.
The story is interesting in that it illustrates how one upbringing can serve to both cause a child to yearn for independence, change and freedom from the life they have known, while at the same time cause them to believe that they can not make it on their own, or that it would be selfish of them to want to.
Evaline was damaged more subtly by her mother's kind words and now feels an obligation to her family that is holding her back from being able to forge her own path and make decision based on her own happiness. In contrast to this she was also damaged by being witness to the type of life that her mother lived. Not wanting to fall in that shadow nudges her towards running away to an uncertain life with a man she barely knows, not a wise move.
The damage done to her by her father in this story is more heavily pronounced. The verbal and mental abuse as well as being witness to the physical abuse lain upon her brothers has left her feeling deflated, unworthy, and helpless. She knows that if she stays in this life she will not advance in the ways she dreams of but she does not find the strength inside her to go against her father and assert her independence.
The universal themes of coming of age, fear, resentment, longing, mental and emotional resignation and facing transition are all masterfully woven through both of these pieces of work. While one is more frank with its message and the other presents it in a gentler fashion, they are both just as easy to relate to and the emotions expressed are those that are experienced by people from all walks of life.
This poem, however shocking, is nothing if not universally relevant. Although the large majority of parents embark on the journey of child rearing with the best of intentions damaging our children, to some extent,can not be helped.
I believe that this poem is one of the best examples of “great literature” I have ever read because the concept and sentiment is one I believe that every human can relate to in one sense or another. Larkin is most definitely dealing with a universal theme because every newborn baby, regardless of gender or culture, is as pure as the sun is bright. As babies grow in to children the experiences and environments they are exposed to shape the type of person they will become (negative or positive.) The lessons learned in infancy, childhood and our early teen years have a drastic effect on how our brain develops and therefore effects how we react to and handle events in our lives.
When I was growing up in a combative household my mother would deal with conflict by loading us in the car and leaving, we would stay out until the situation had defused, then we would go home and it would not be discussed. I know my mother did what she did with the best of intentions and truly believing that this was the most effective way to protect us. However I feel that what I learnt from this was to avoid conflict at all cost, and as a result now in my adult life I still find it very difficult to work through disagreements or resolve arguments. From this perspective my mother fucked me up by trying to protect me too much. On the other hand who knows what type of far more damaging lessons I could have learned if we had stayed. Parenting is a constant gamble.
As parents we always want to believe we know what is best for our child, so we choose for them and in doing so teach them that their opinion does not matter. Our busy lives require us to constantly hurry our children up and in doing so we show them that their time is not as important as ours. We get babysitters so we can go out and have “Fun” and in doing so show our children that their company is not enjoyable. Even though we tell them on a daily basis how much we love them, that we are listening, and that we are so happy to see them, it is our actions that have the greatest impact, whether the actions are directed at the child or just one displayed in their presence. Larkin touches on this when he says “Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another's throats.” Whether parents are dealing with children directly, dealing with each other in the presence of the child or simply dealing with life the impressions left are just as strong.
I enjoyed the way that Larkin expressed his opinion in a frank but not overly explicit way as well as how he brought some humour in to the end of the poem. I think he was serious in his message that all parents damage their children, who then in turn damage their own, however I do not think he was serious when he said “Get out as early as you can, And don't have any kids yourself.”
Part 2:
The story of “Evaline” expands on the theme of Larkin's poem by providing a more explicit example of how a child can be damaged by the influence of their parents, culture, and community.
The story is interesting in that it illustrates how one upbringing can serve to both cause a child to yearn for independence, change and freedom from the life they have known, while at the same time cause them to believe that they can not make it on their own, or that it would be selfish of them to want to.
Evaline was damaged more subtly by her mother's kind words and now feels an obligation to her family that is holding her back from being able to forge her own path and make decision based on her own happiness. In contrast to this she was also damaged by being witness to the type of life that her mother lived. Not wanting to fall in that shadow nudges her towards running away to an uncertain life with a man she barely knows, not a wise move.
The damage done to her by her father in this story is more heavily pronounced. The verbal and mental abuse as well as being witness to the physical abuse lain upon her brothers has left her feeling deflated, unworthy, and helpless. She knows that if she stays in this life she will not advance in the ways she dreams of but she does not find the strength inside her to go against her father and assert her independence.
The universal themes of coming of age, fear, resentment, longing, mental and emotional resignation and facing transition are all masterfully woven through both of these pieces of work. While one is more frank with its message and the other presents it in a gentler fashion, they are both just as easy to relate to and the emotions expressed are those that are experienced by people from all walks of life.
